Roy “Tutsi” James
Hamilton died this last weekend at the age of 57, my age. He was born December 6, 1959 in Stilwell,
Oklahoma. I knew Roy in school from around
the age of ten. We moved in different
circles during school, but I have never forgotten him. He was what I call an “everyday hero” because
of his stoic gentleness and peace.
The following
is my definition of an everyday hero taken from a blog post I wrote in
February, 2014. Here is a link if you
wish to read “Heroes”.
The last group and the
most unsung and quiet are what I refer to as the “everyday hero”. This group of heroes I believe has the most
lasting impact on others. The doctor I
spoke of in the opening of this blog post is an example of an everyday
hero. The absolute best example of this
type of heroism was defined for me years earlier when I watch the movie based
on the book by Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club.
In the story there is an exchange between the main character June and
her mother Suyuan. She was explaining to
her daughter why she was indeed special over her very successful, beautiful and
demanding sister. Suyuan stated
(paraphrasing) that while June’s older sister always expected and took the
choicest cut of meat at dinner, June always took the least cut of meat.
I look for the everyday
hero. When you spot them, they are not
flamboyant or looking for praise. They
are generally humble or direct in their mission. Accolades are not what they seek and in fact
are generally embarrassed by them. I
would like to think I would have the courage to be an incidental hero, but who
knows unless it happened. Not sure I’m
in a place or have the skills to be a situational hero. So, I strive daily to try to be an everyday
hero. It isn't easy and I am sure I fail
more often than succeed. I am so humbled
by the sacrifice of others in all three types of heroes. Find your heroes. They may be as close as right next to you.
Over the years, I have often
thought of Roy and wondered what he was doing. In the last year I was able to reconnect with
him through Facebook. We had a few
conversations back and forth and I had gotten the impression he was ill, but he
never let me know the seriousness of his condition. Again, very much like Roy.
It was my intent per our last conversation to try and connect with him for possibly dinner the next time I came
back to visit with my Mom, who is a resident at the Stilwell Nursing Home. I was there two weeks ago and it was a bit of
an in and out trip. I was going to try
and see if Roy and I could have dinner, but couldn’t find the time and little
did I know Roy was very ill at that time.
I am
grateful that I had the chance during the last year to at the very least let
him know what an example he was to me when we were young. That I always thought of him as one of the
most genuine and kindhearted people I had ever met. This is not something I take lightly. I hold him in regards the same as Gandhi,
Martin Luther King Jr., Socrates, Maya Angelou, and Nelson Mandela, to name a
few.
At this
point in my life, I study a great deal the eastern philosophy of Buddha. Not the religion that it has turned into, but
rather the teachings of the man. Roy
reminded me most of Buddha’s teachings.
Selfless, generous, genuine, empathetic, and true.
“We will develop and cultivate the liberation of mind by
living kindness, make it our vehicle, make it our basis, stabilize it, exercise
ourselves in it, and fully perfect it.”
- Buddha
I write this
blog for two reasons: 1) to honor
someone who unknowingly and unwittingly had a very large impact on my life just
by being a beautiful spirit, and, 2) to mourn the loss and passage of time without
my having reconnected fully with Roy. I
regret this deeply.
To Roy I
say, “Thank you for being an example for me to follow. May your spirit be free
and full of joy.”
To you I
say, “Time is the only thing you can never get back, you can never purchase, you
can never pause. Do not waste time,
especially when it comes to letting someone know that they are important to
you. Engage them now. Love them now, for tomorrow my never come.”
Namaste,
Tom
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