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To let go doesn't mean to stop
caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off... It's the realization that I can't control another... To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, It is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and love more.
Namaste,
Tom
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Tuesday, June 27, 2017
This Week's Word & Thought: Letting Go
Thursday, June 22, 2017
This Week's Word & Thought: Human Rights
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights was
adopted by the General Assembly of the United Nations on December 10,
1948. It’s creation motivated by the experiences of the preceding world
wars. This was the first time that the U.N. Member Countries agreed on a
comprehensive statement of inalienable human rights.
It is sad to think that almost 70 years later, we still are
working to achieve some semblance of this declaration. Although there are
improvements, until the majority and powerful commit to the foundation of the ideology and support human rights in a true to one’s own spirit, we will not
succeed. It starts with each of us reading, knowing, understanding, and
practicing these ideologies. It starts with curiosity of those different
than ourselves and not fear or intolerance. It starts one act at a
time.
“Defeating racism, tribalism, intolerance and all
forms of discrimination will liberate us all, victim and perpetrator
alike.” - Ban Ki-moon
Mr. Ki-moon is a South Korean diplomat who was the eighth
Secretary-General of the United Nations from January 2007 through December
2016. He is one of my favorites to hold this role. His philosophies
towards discrimination, fighting poverty, promoting education, and working to
educate about global warming and climate change have been tireless. When
you read about him, and I hope you do, you will see in him the goodness of his
spirit. It gives you hope that a difference can be made, but it takes
more us to do so. Stop procrastinating. Stop thinking you can’t
change anything. Start making a difference. Start by reading the
Universal Declaration of Human Rights and know that your voice makes a
difference.
Namaste – Tom
Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Preamble
Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal
and inalienable
rights of all members of the human family is the foundation
of freedom, justice
and peace in the world,
Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have
resulted in barbarous
acts which have outraged the conscience of mankind, and the
advent of a world
in which human beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and
belief and freedom
from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest
aspiration of the common
people,
Whereas it is essential, if man is not to be compelled to
have recourse, as a last
resort, to rebellion against tyranny and oppression, that
human rights should be
protected by the rule of law,
Whereas it is essential to promote the development of
friendly relations between
nations,
Whereas the peoples of the United Nations have in the
Charter reaffirmed their
faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth
of the human person
and in the equal rights of men and women and have determined
to promote
social progress and better standards of life in larger
freedom,
Whereas Member States have pledged themselves to achieve, in
cooperation
with the United Nations, the promotion of universal respect
for and observance of
human rights and fundamental freedoms,
Whereas a common understanding of these rights and freedoms
is of the
greatest importance for the full realization of this pledge,
Now, therefore,
The General Assembly,
Proclaims this Universal Declaration of Human Rights as a
common standard of
achievement for all peoples and all nations, to the end that
every individual and
every organ of society, keeping this Declaration constantly in
mind, shall strive by
teaching and education to promote respect for these rights
and freedoms and by
progressive measures, national and international, to secure
their universal and
effective recognition and observance, both among the peoples
of Member States
themselves and among the peoples of territories under their
jurisdiction.
Article 1
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and
rights. They are
endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards
one another in a
spirit of brotherhood.
Article 2
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set
forth in this Declaration,
without distinction of any kind, such as race, color, sex,
language, religion,
political or other opinion, national or social origin,
property, birth or other status.
Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of
the political,
jurisdictional or international status of the country or
territory to which a person
belongs, whether it be independent, trust,
non-self-governing or under any other
limitation of sovereignty.
Article 3
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of
person.
Article 4
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and
the slave trade shall be
prohibited in all their forms.
Article 5
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or
degrading treatment
or punishment.
Article 6
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person
before the law.
Article 7
All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination
to equal
protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection
against any
discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against
any incitement to such
discrimination.
Article 8
Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the
competent national tribunals
for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the
constitution or by law.
Article 9
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or
exile.
Article 10
Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public
hearing by an independent
and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights
and obligations and of any
criminal charge against him.
Article 11
1. Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be
presumed
innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public
trial at which he
has had all the guarantees necessary for his defense.
2. No one shall be held guilty of any penal offence on
account of any act or
omission which did not constitute a penal offence, under
national or
international law, at the time when it was committed. Nor
shall a heavier
penalty be imposed than the one that was applicable at the
time the penal
offence was committed.
Article 12
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his
privacy, family, home
or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and
reputation. Everyone has
the right to the protection of the law against such
interference or attacks.
Article 13
1. Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence
within the
borders of each State.
2. Everyone has the right to leave any country, including
his own, and to
return to his country.
Article 14
1. Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other
countries asylum from
persecution.
2. This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions
genuinely
arising from non-political crimes or from acts contrary to
the purposes and
principles of the United Nations.
Article 15
1. Everyone has the right to a nationality.
2. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality
nor denied the right to
change his nationality.
Article 16
1. Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to
race, nationality
or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family.
They are entitled
to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its
dissolution.
2. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and
full consent of the
intending spouses.
3. The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of
society and is
entitled to protection by society and the State.
Article 17
1. Everyone has the right to own property alone as well as
in association with
others.
2. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his property.
Article 18
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and
religion; this right
includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and
freedom, either alone or in
community with others and in public or private, to manifest
his religion or belief in
teaching, practice, worship and observance.
Article 19
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression;
this right includes
freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek,
receive and impart
information and ideas through any media and regardless of
frontiers.
Article 20
1. Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly
and association.
2. No one may be compelled to belong to an association.
Article 21
1. Everyone has the right to take part in the government of
his country,
directly or through freely chosen representatives.
2. Everyone has the right to equal access to public service
in his country.
3. The will of the people shall be the basis of the
authority of government;
this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine
elections which shall
be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by
secret vote or by
equivalent free voting procedures.
Article 22
Everyone, as a member of society, has the right to social
security and is entitled
to realization, through national effort and international
co-operation and in
accordance with the organization and resources of each
State, of the economic,
social and cultural rights indispensable for his dignity and
the free development
of his personality.
Article 23
1. Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of
employment, to just and
favorable conditions of work and to protection against
unemployment.
2. Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to
equal pay for equal
work.
3. Everyone who works has the right to just and favorable
remuneration
ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of
human dignity,
and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social
protection.
4. Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions
for the protection of
his interests.
Article 24
Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including
reasonable limitation of
working hours and periodic holidays with pay.
Article 25
1. Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate
for the health and
well-being of himself and of his family, including food,
clothing, housing
and medical care and necessary social services, and the
right to security
in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability,
widowhood, old age or
other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his
control.
2. Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and
assistance. All
children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the
same social
protection.
Article 26
1. Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be
free, at least in the
elementary and fundamental stages. Elementary education
shall be
compulsory. Technical and professional education shall be
made
generally available and higher education shall be equally
accessible to all
on the basis of merit.
2. Education shall be directed to the full development of
the human
personality and to the strengthening of respect for human
rights and
fundamental freedoms. It shall promote understanding,
tolerance and
friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups,
and shall further
the activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of
peace.
3. Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of
education that shall be
given to their children.
Article 27
1. Everyone has the right freely to participate in the
cultural life of the
community, to enjoy the arts and to share in scientific
advancement and
its benefits.
2. Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and
material interests
resulting from any scientific, literary or artistic
production of which he is the
author.
Article 28
Everyone is entitled to a social and international order in
which the rights and
freedoms set forth in this Declaration can be fully
realized.
Article 29
1. Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the
free and full
development of his personality is possible.
2. In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone
shall be subject only
to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the
purpose of
securing due recognition and respect for the rights and
freedoms of others
and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public
order and the
general welfare in a democratic society.
3. These rights and freedoms may in no case be exercised
contrary to the
purposes and principles of the United Nations.
Article 30
Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying
for any State, group or
person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any
act aimed at the
destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth
herein.
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
This Week's Word & Thought: Reflection
I recently read an article
and watched a video of a young man coming out to his family and friends.
I believe it was intended more private than public; however, it was so moving
it went viral, which led to the article. Here is the article on the young
man as well as the video.
It helped drive home to me
the importance of self-acceptance and love as well as causing me a great deal
of reflection. Reflection on this version of me and how I got here.
This version I am comfortable with although not completely satisfied, wish it
was a few years younger, but hey, wisdom has a price. Hopefully we never
become so complacent or egocentric that we stop growing and evolving as a
person.
The most important thought in
my reflection was how multiple times during my life, I had to be my own support
system, especially growing up in a home where violence was the norm and not the
exception or when I came out as a gay man. I learned to know it was ok to be me
even at times when I thought I must be the worst human being on earth.
Learning to forgive those who hurt me or learning to understand that I was not
defective and allowing myself to just be me which in turn has allowed many
beautiful and loving people into my life.
I say to anyone out there who
has dealt with violence, bigotry, or hatred, “Hang on!” It does get better.
Know that there is always someone who will give you a hug or listen if you need
a shoulder to cry on or be still and just listen. Get rid of the haters,
even if family or professed friends. Reach out to those who consistently
reach out to you. Be the best version of you that you can and let know
one tear you down. Don’t dwell on what’s in the past and don’t dwell on
what if. Focus on the here and now, reflect on who you are and fight to
be you!
Over 500 years ago, a very
wise man, Leonardo da Vinci, wrote this:
“I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather
strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business
of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience
approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.” –
Leonardo da Vinci
Now, go kick some ass and let
your freak flag fly! Just be you.
Namaste,
Tom
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
This Week’s Word & Thought: Poetry
As someone who loves the arts, creative endeavors, the
written word especially, and pretty much any form of non-violent expression of
the human state, I believe we neglect segments or genres of the arts. Art is this dynamic reflection of society at
that moment in time. It is a combination
of the current life struggle, of the stresses of daily life, including work,
family, friends, money, society, etc., etc.
It reflects someone’s self being.
Poetry is one of the most wonderful tools of expression for
a modern society. It has also evolved a
great deal since its inception before actual literacy and was used to
communicate oral history, genealogy, and law.
Checkout this Wikipedia on the History of Poetry. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_poetry
The attraction to me is the brevity of poetry. Its mission to poignantly express an idea,
feeling, or state of being. My professor of creative writing while attending
university would tell me, “If you can’t say it in one sentence, you never will
be able to write poetry.”
I have enjoyed many poets over the years. My favorites include Maya Angelou, Robert
Frost, Alfred Lord Tennyson, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, W. B. Yeats, just to
name a few. There are so many favorites!
But when was the last time you read poetry? Have a completely quiet morning, meaning no
television, computer, phone, etc., to distract, and just read poetry? Maybe some light music or outside to listen
to nature and a cup of your favorite coffee or tea? A bit of “you-time” to relish in a bit of
someone else’s thoughts. A rare and
privileged glimpse into their being, soul, spirit, energy, or whatever you wish
to call it.
While researching modern poetry simply because I wanted to
see what was out there, I kept coming back to slam poetry. I have also listened to shows about slam
poetry and I am usually blown away by its power and timeliness. It has a raw and real-life quality to it that
makes it relevant and moving.
I stumbled upon a young poet whose work is nothing short of
moving and powerful. His work deserves
to be read, listened to, shared, and most importantly, felt. I am not sure of his “real name”; however, he
goes by Digital Poet. Here is a link to
his website “about” section. Someone you
could pass on the street or see anywhere with all this wonderful talent. http://www.digitalpoet.net/about.html
Here is one of his poems that is probably my favorite. It is very relatable for many of us with our
internal struggles to be a more authentic version of who we are or want to
be. I hope you enjoy and I hope you take
time to look at the rest of his work.
Art in our society is what truly allows humans to be more than just
alive.
I Am The Me You See...Now
I am only the me that you see.
Standing here,
Average everything.
An eye witness couldn't pick me out of a
fuckin' lineup.
A chameleon.
I'm not particularly tall
Or short enough to joke on.
Look-wise,
I fall somewhere on The Pitt-Pacino
spectrum.
I'm not too built
But I ain't frail,
Voice isn't deep,
Nor too shrill.
No noticeable scars,
At least not that you can see.
Just,
Average everything,
But average is only flesh deep,
The real tattoo is
Beneath the outer sheath,
In this heap,
This concrete reef
of
hardened,
Crystallized,
Protected,
Hidden...
Darkness.
It's a poem.
A poem I've been writing inside for
years,
But it has no words.
It has no words,
So I can be the me that you see.
Let me ask a question.
Have you ever taken a 2-Liter Coke,
And shook it with all your might,
But not opened it?
Then just watched the bubbles,
Enraged,
Confused,
Violent,
Completely untempered and without
direction,
They have no release,
No escape
and no control.
See inside,
Beneath my surface,
A ruthless carbonation scrambles
Like field mice at night,
Always in jeopardy.
Inside,
There's a poem that I just cannot write.
It's been writing itself for years,
But the worlds won't transcribe.
It's a can of worms,
A Pandora's box,
A real fucking doozy.
Inside,
A phantom haunts my opera.
There's a poem that I just cannot write.
It's been written,
But not scribed,
I've imbibed It,
Lived It,
I breathe it,
Silently,
It silences me,
And controls every moment,
Untraced,
So that I can be the me,
That you see.
The words to this poem,
Change everything.
The entire trajectory of my existence
Would be thrown off its cosmic path,
My planet would crack on its axis,
The dreams,
Of people mistakenly hiding behind my
facade,
Will shatter to waxes.
I must keep being the me that you see.
This poem I've been writing
Is one of both truth and lies,
One of deceit,
And ultimately its about making a
decision.
The decision to release Infuriated demons
That lerk so superficially close to the
skin's surface,
Even I
Am amazed they don't seep.
This poem,
This poem that's been writing itself with
no words for years,
Is a mistake.
It is secrets revealed,
Which,
According to some,
Might mean I'm being healed,
But even the best medicine has side
effects.
This Necrophiliac poem eats at my
insides,
I'm internally lifeless,
Eternally frightened,
don't know what life is.
But I cannot write this poem.
I shouldn't even write about having this
poem,
This poem that I cannot write.
See, I am only the me you see right now.
But if the right letters
Appear in the right succession,
If the words I fear
Are written and read in
a certain direction,
This poem would materialize.
If this poem materializes,
I have
No more poems.
There are no more words.
I am no longer the me that you see,
No longer average.
And no longer hidden.
If you wish to draw, paint, write, sing, etc., then do
so! Let your inner self fly, even if
it’s a little freaky or raw. Just be
you.
Namaste,
Tom
Thursday, June 1, 2017
This Week's Word & Thought: Boss vs. Leader
I have been actively involved in business for 40 years now
and would hope that I have learned a thing or two in my journey to where I am
at now. I have worked for and with multiple startups, one of which I was
third in the company and it was acquired by a very large (58th
global Forbes ranking) tech company. I have also worked with or for
multiple other small, medium, and large companies. One retailer who ranks
998th and another retailer who ranks 17th. I have
even worked for a major oil and gas company that was acquired by another and
combined they are now ranked 359th. In all, I believe I have worked
with or for over 25 companies, many while I had my own business consulting
practice.
Pointing out the various companies is simply to emphasize
that I have worked for or with a great many types of bosses and leaders.
In many cases, I was an independent consultant and had a ringside seat to the
show, often with humorous and thought-provoking results. I have also had
to examine myself professionally on multiple occasions and I believe as you age
this is something you do quite often, especially in a leadership position in
your career. My ultimate belief is that you accomplish more by listening
and guiding than by speaking and demanding.
I searched high and low for a famous quote that put into
words more eloquent than mine the evolved beliefs in how best to manage others
that I now hold. Funny thing is that it took quite a bit of research to
sort out who the author of the quote was. His name was Russell H. Ewing
and he lived between 1885 to 1976. Mr. Russell was a British journalist
and author who predominantly focused on business management. Although the
following quote is in many books and quote websites, the information on him is
limited; however, I love this quote.
“A boss creates fear, a
leader confidence. A boss fixes blame, a leader corrects mistakes.
A boss knows all, a leader asks questions. A boss makes work drudgery, a
leader makes it interesting. A boss is interest in himself or herself, a
leader is interest in the group.” – Russell H. Ewing
This style of management does not mean there is no
consequence for someone struggling in their current position.
However, it does mean a leader will work to either correct the issue or
situation, work to find another way for the employee to be successful, or
simply be blunt and let them know this particular situation is not working.
At no time should there be deliberate creation of fear to motivate. Fear
is a very temporary motivator and you are only left with resentment and
anger. At some point, if this continues, that anger becomes a fury and is
more potent than the fear. In other words, ruling by fear will eventually
backfire.
I you are staff, then work with whomever is your leader or
leaders. Speak up and don’t be afraid to ask questions or seek
help. If you are a leader, don’t boss – LEAD.
Namaste,
Tom
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