Yes, it’s a Pity Party!

I know for all of us at times life and its endless ability to try and take away a piece of our spirit can seem overwhelming.  At times I feel almost panicked, maybe a bit sorry for myself, and truth be told, a bit fearful, because of a series of events in the last decade.  Here they at a high level.  They have made me a bit tired and probably a little road worn, but do not take it as a “poor me” list.   It is only to make a point, so please stay with me.

• Life altering illness with multiple ups and downs, multitude of medications and the worst was my perfectly laid out plan for my life went up in smoke

• Episodes of drug toxicity or failure for my illness that has taken a toll physically

• Economic crash in 2008/2009 wiped out most of my life savings and a professional lawsuit associated with a company collapse I was involved with at that time, managed to wipe out the rest of my savings with legal bills and lasted a spirit draining 2.5 years

• Becoming older and trying to compete in a job market that is really not that keen on professionals over the age of 50, especially in business

• Working to find the balance of life/health and work is difficult and frightening, because what happens if I can’t juggle fast enough and it collapses around me

• And, to demonstrate the extraordinarily wry sense of humor that is life, a tax audit in which they decided my numbers were ok, but one segment of expenses needed to be moved to another schedule and btw, that triggered more self-employment tax, changes in AMT and let’s not forget penalties and interest

• Last but certainly not least, the failure of 2 relationships during this period with the aftereffect being one of great uncertainty about trying again, both ended due to their infidelity,  – translation is that I haven’t been on a date in around 6 years

All of this when I see some of the events taking place around the world seems so embarrassingly small.  Yes, we all need someone to listen to us with compassion and understanding.  This does not mean you must provide a solution or even comment.  Just a wonderfully thoughtful and compassionate ear.

There are many types of tragedies in humanity with some being caused by nature, some by the failure of human science or invention and some due purely to the failure of the humanity of individuals.  We can do little about tragedies caused by nature and since humans are most definitely fallible, we will continue to have failures of science and invention.

So let’s focus on the failure of those who seem to lack humanity.  How do we deal with the fact that “mean people suck?” We must do so with compassion, which according to Buddha teachings is a very powerful emotion.  Thich Nhat Hanh, one of the best known and most respected Zen masters in the world today, is a poet, and peace and human rights activist.  He states, “Compassionate listening is to help the other side suffer less. If we realize that other people are the same people as we are, we are no longer angry at them.”  I translate this to mean let go of our anger at those who through their deliberate actions cause you pain, anger and fear.  Try as best you can to treat them with compassion and love.

Thich Nhat Hanh also points out the depth at which compassion can transform mere humans into extraordinary beings.  “With compassion you can die for other people, like the mother who can die for her child. You have the courage to say it because you are not afraid of losing anything, because you know that understanding and love is the foundation of happiness. But if you have fear of losing your status, your position, you will not have the courage to do it.”

So let’s apply some wisdom from others to the type of items around my list of “events” that have occurred in the last decade:

•  Illness:  “Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

• Wealth:  “The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” – Bob Marley

• Life Balance:  “We humans have lost the wisdom of genuinely resting and relaxing. We worry too much. We don't allow our bodies to heal, and we don't allow our minds and hearts to heal.” Thich Nhat Hanh

• Aging & Employment:  “The biggest change in being older and working in our modern western society is that my bullshit factor has dropped considerably.  That doesn’t always come across well.” – Tom DeSpain

• Love & Betrayal:  “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” – Martin Luther King, Jr. 

I know this was a rambler, but I hope it gives you food for thought.  We can’t always control what goes on around us but should try and focus on the now.  The best help to others is compassionate listening.

Namaste

NOTE:  to learn more about Thich Nhat Hanh, please go to plumvillage.org