This Week’s Word & Thought: Life

First, I apologize for my tardiness in releasing a new blog.  Between the holidays and work, it has been a bit hectic.

Second, let’s talk about Life.  What is life?  In this case, we are not getting into the whole technical and heavily debated scientific version of life.  I am speaking of YOU in this moment, in this here and now.  I am speaking about the very second you are reading this. 

Many people spend a great deal of time with regrets, mistakes, should have, could have, why didn’t I, etc., etc.  This is a pointless exercise in futility and takes up precious time at that moment.

Sivananda Saraswati (or Swami Sivananda) wrote, “Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”

The Swami was a very wise man.  You should read some about him from my ever-favorite Wikipedia.  Here is a little recap and a link to the information on him.  He was born September 8, 1887 and died July 14, 1963.  Swami Sivananda was a Hindu spiritual teacher and a proponent of Yoga and Vedanta.  He was born Kuppuswami in Pattamadai, in the Tirunelveli district of Tamil Nadu, India.  He studied medicine and served in British Malaya (now modern-day Malaysia) as a physician for several years before taking up monasticism.  Here is the link to the full information:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sivananda_Saraswati

The other is to get lost in dreaming of the future or striving for a rigid and all-consuming goal.  Many times, we become so focused on these dreams or goals, we forget to live life in the present.  We need to remember the greatest part of the dream or goal should be the journey.  Chandra Kochhar, born November 17, 1961, is the managing director and CEO of ICICI Bank.  She is widely recognized for her role in shaping banking in India. Her take on goals and the journey are very astute.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way.  It is all those little steps that make the journey complete.”

Fascinating modern-day business executive.  Here is a Wikipedia link on her.  I believe you will find it both fascinating and interesting.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanda_Kochhar

So, now we have banished obsessions with the past and the future.  Then what? 

How about right now.  My all-time favorite philosopher is Buddha.  His words, granted as translated into modern English, always seem to be simple and to the point.  They offer wisdom without judgement and focuses on personal thought and well-being and love for all living beings.  One of his most famous quotes is, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

I would say the greatest change in becoming an older human being (and yes, when you near 60 you are an older human being, like it or not and no matter how good your plastic surgeon is), or at least for me, was developing patience, forgiveness to others and yourself for mistakes, hurts and wrongdoings, and learning to cherish this very moment.   

My focus on living and loving in the moment is because the flip side of that wisdom as someone older is that you find time is no longer this intangible thing you rail against as a young person that is preventing you from reaching your goal.  As a child wanting to be a teenager.  As a teenager wanting to be an adult.  As an adult wanting to be respected and working towards career goals and finding that perfect relationship.  All in such a hurry you do not take the time to simply marvel at the journey of life.

I promise you, slowing down and contemplating the here and now, is a far more relaxing and freeing way to live.  Be the best you possible, but in the here and now.  Don’t dwell on the past and don’t let the future be all consuming.  Another very wise quote from cancer survivor, Kathy Giusti, is very relevant to this topic.  Please take the time to learn a bit about her.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathy_Giusti

“If I’ve learned anything, it’s to live in the moment, and the gift that cancer gives you is, you just assume I’m only here today, and I am going to seize that moment and cherish it.”

Live life!

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Emotional Intelligence

I have spent the last couple of weeks reading various philosophers, artists, pundits, politicians, etc., to come up with words that would be useful given all that is going on around us.  First, I needed to recognize my own feelings of being helpless and inadequate.  Having the overwhelming urge to do something.  Anything.  Even if the action I wanted to do wasn’t positive or in line with my beliefs.  I know, wanting to smack the crap out some idiot espousing hate and bigotry would let you feel good for about 60 seconds.  But then, you are left with the horrible sensation of becoming one of them. 

I refuse.

In seeking answers for how to describe this “thing” and what to call it, I came across Emotional Intelligence.  This is a relatively recent concept as far as clearly defined.  However, you can find actionable references with classic philosophers such as Aristotle:

Anybody can become ANGRY

That is easy

But to be angry with

The RIGHT person

And to the right degree

And at the right time

And for the right purpose

And in the right way

That is not within

Everybody’s power

And is NOT EASY

So, then I started researching on the topic of Emotional Intelligence.  I found through intelligenthq.com the Five Components of Emotional Intelligence at Work. 

Self-Awareness:  ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives as well as their effect on others

Self-Regulation:  the ability to control and redirect disruptive impulses and moods

Motivation:  a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status

Empathy:  the ability to understand the emotional make up of other people

Social Skill:  proficiency in managing relationships and building networks

The best part of accidentally falling into this and reading about Emotional Intelligence was how this translates into relationships with family, friends, work, and in how you deal with the trials and tribulations of life.  Understanding your level of emotional intelligence and working to mature and improve these specific skills could alter the very enjoyment of life.

I guess the cliché “Moral of the Story” is that it is ok to have an emotional response to those events happening around us.  Even if that reaction is one of fear and anger.  But be sure it is measured, directed correctly, manifested in a positive and change inducing way, and let go of it when the work is done.

Love with the same maturity.  Be sad, or anxious, or reflective, etc.  But begin to try and analyze your emotions with a more intelligent perspective.  It will help you know YOU better.  The more can understand, accept, and love yourself, the more Emotional Intelligence you will possess.  This alone will allow great change around you.

I wish for you patience, insight, and calm in your journey of self-recognition and growth.

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Time

Roy “Tutsi” James Hamilton died this last weekend at the age of 57, my age.  He was born December 6, 1959 in Stilwell, Oklahoma.  I knew Roy in school from around the age of ten.  We moved in different circles during school, but I have never forgotten him.  He was what I call an “everyday hero” because of his stoic gentleness and peace.

 

 

 The following is my definition of an everyday hero taken from a blog post I wrote in February, 2014.  Here is a link if you wish to read “Heroes”.

http://belikebuddha.blogspot.com/2014/02/heroes.html

The last group and the most unsung and quiet are what I refer to as the “everyday hero”.  This group of heroes I believe has the most lasting impact on others.  The doctor I spoke of in the opening of this blog post is an example of an everyday hero.  The absolute best example of this type of heroism was defined for me years earlier when I watch the movie based on the book by Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club.  In the story there is an exchange between the main character June and her mother Suyuan.  She was explaining to her daughter why she was indeed special over her very successful, beautiful and demanding sister.  Suyuan stated (paraphrasing) that while June’s older sister always expected and took the choicest cut of meat at dinner, June always took the least cut of meat. 

I look for the everyday hero.  When you spot them, they are not flamboyant or looking for praise.  They are generally humble or direct in their mission.  Accolades are not what they seek and in fact are generally embarrassed by them.  I would like to think I would have the courage to be an incidental hero, but who knows unless it happened.  Not sure I’m in a place or have the skills to be a situational hero.  So, I strive daily to try to be an everyday hero.  It isn't easy and I am sure I fail more often than succeed.  I am so humbled by the sacrifice of others in all three types of heroes.  Find your heroes.  They may be as close as right next to you.

Over the years, I have often thought of Roy and wondered what he was doing.  In the last year I was able to reconnect with him through Facebook.  We had a few conversations back and forth and I had gotten the impression he was ill, but he never let me know the seriousness of his condition.  Again, very much like Roy.

It was my intent per our last conversation to try and connect with him for possibly dinner the next time I came back to visit with my Mom, who is a resident at the Stilwell Nursing Home.  I was there two weeks ago and it was a bit of an in and out trip.  I was going to try and see if Roy and I could have dinner, but couldn’t find the time and little did I know Roy was very ill at that time.

I am grateful that I had the chance during the last year to at the very least let him know what an example he was to me when we were young.  That I always thought of him as one of the most genuine and kindhearted people I had ever met.  This is not something I take lightly.  I hold him in regards the same as Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Socrates, Maya Angelou, and Nelson Mandela, to name a few. 

At this point in my life, I study a great deal the eastern philosophy of Buddha.  Not the religion that it has turned into, but rather the teachings of the man.  Roy reminded me most of Buddha’s teachings.  Selfless, generous, genuine, empathetic, and true. 

“We will develop and cultivate the liberation of mind by living kindness, make it our vehicle, make it our basis, stabilize it, exercise ourselves in it, and fully perfect it.”  - Buddha  

I write this blog for two reasons:  1) to honor someone who unknowingly and unwittingly had a very large impact on my life just by being a beautiful spirit, and, 2) to mourn the loss and passage of time without my having reconnected fully with Roy.  I regret this deeply.

To Roy I say, “Thank you for being an example for me to follow. May your spirit be free and full of joy.” 

To you I say, “Time is the only thing you can never get back, you can never purchase, you can never pause.  Do not waste time, especially when it comes to letting someone know that they are important to you.  Engage them now.  Love them now, for tomorrow my never come.”

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Purpose

I have gone through an enormous amount of word play trying to come up with the right one to convey the thoughts I want to share with you.  It is amazingly difficult to find just the right one.  I believe I did so with the word Purpose.

Let’s focus on the definition of purpose as a noun in this post.

pur·pose (noun):  the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

synonyms:  motive, motivation, grounds, cause, occasion, reason, point, basis, justification

With that in mind, I did some research on famous uses of the word purpose (or a synonum) as a noun.  Here are some of the quotes more on point to my thoughts.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” –  Dalai Lama

“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else's cloud. Somebody who may not look like you. May not call God the same name you call God - if they call God at all. I may not dance your dances or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody. That's what I think.” – Maya Angelou

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” – John F. Kennedy

“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” – Pablo Picasso

I have often puzzled my purpose.  My reason for being.  I don’t believe in fate or predestination.  I believe in a whole lot of factors; events, genetics, history, etc., that shape who we become.  I also believe our purpose changes over time for many of us due to where we are at in life.  A balance of what we have learned and our years.  At this point in my life, my purpose is focusing on enjoying the beauty that is humanity.  In studying and researching art, music, written word, history and the heroes of the past, and most importantly, heroes of today.  Not necessarily famous, but someone who connects you with humanity.

I must work to look past events of recent and realize that is not the majority, but really just focus placed on the sensational.  In a time where we keep hearing about the rise of extremists who believe in genocide and segregation based on either religion, race, sexuality, or gender identity, I say again, not the majority of people.

I believe in the innate goodness of humanity.  That humankind has an amazing ability to learn, grow, help, and love.  But, to counter that which is negative, our purpose must be, in our own and unique individual way, to grow this believe in humankind.  To focus on compassion, empathy, generosity of not just material items, but generosity of the spirit.

“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud.”

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Freedom

I was torn between “freedom” and “violence” due to all that is going on around us.  The conflict of freedom through peace versus the need to react to the violence being perpetrated on those who could not stop it.  The death of a young woman peacefully protesting or the mob beating of a young man by a group of cowardly thugs.  Take your pick, both have me seething.  I struggle with my reactions to this incomprehensible behavior.  I simply. Do. Not. Understand.

However, I cannot give up on my beliefs that to create a better world for those I love and our obligation to do so for future generations requires that be done through peace and love.  Violence and hate simply do not work.  Never have and NEVER will.

I have been reading a lot from those who inspire me most for their courage of peaceful resistance and commitment to peace.  It includes Dr. King, Aung San Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Einstein, and Socrates just to name a few.  The truly remembered great humans in history are those who focused on peace.  Who understood to truly have freedom you must achieve it through peaceful methods.

To have freedom also means to peacefully fight to end poverty, to stop inequality at all levels and to stifle hatred and bigotry.  Believing in a perfect utopian world is simply not realistic.  Sadly, and inexplicably, there will always be those who hate.  My Mom, when I first came out to her, told me she was afraid for me, but told me, “Well I guess there are people who hate you because you have blond hair.  Some people just want to hate.”  Yes, and sadly, some people do simply want to hate.  I don’t get it, but that is just the way it is.

We, however, must fight this “normalization of hate” with every peaceful breath we have.  Stuff it back down where those who wallow in it realize that good and decent human beings do not stand for this bullshit!

But, NEVER with violence.  Please.

If you participate in counter rallies to all the hate filled events planned around our nation this weekend or in the near future, do so with love and peace.  I leave you with a quote to ponder.

“What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet. No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled or uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of the people.” – Robert Kennedy

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Indifference

My apologies for slacking off on my writings, but sometimes I find myself worried that I am becoming indifferent to what seems like overwhelming world issues.  In between the daily routine of commuting and work, which both can be tiring, there are the stresses of finance, getting older, health, and the fears of intolerance at top of mind.  It seems very difficult at times to focus on the issues of our country, the world, or humanity in general.  I needed a little respite from it and thus my writings, which are my outlet of expression for my thoughts.

What do I focus on?  Is it the unbelievable situation we find ourselves in as Americans with the current very frightening administration?  Or should it be the bigotry, hatred and anger the previous has unleashed?  Should it be on climate change and the record heatwaves, typhoons, hurricanes, wildfires, or melting ice shelves and glaciers?

Perhaps it should be on the multiple places in the world that appear to be on the edge of war?  Like Venezuela, the Korean Peninsula, the entire Middle east, or even Russia?  Did you know that India and China have been exchanging some serious threats back and forth?  Could it be that previously said administration is going get us into a saber-rattling situation that we can’t get out of without bloodshed, usually from our country’s youngest and bravest?

Maybe it should be the fact that 1 in 6 children in the United States is worried about their next meal?  To put that into perspective, that is 16.2M children.  Perhaps I should focus on the almost 800M people in the world without enough to eat?  BTW, that small thing called “fake” climate change is killing an additional 300K per year.

Speaking of fake, should I focus on the danger of a lack of freedom of the press or maybe even freedom of expression? 

Or perhaps I should focus on what appears to be a reverse in direction in our country on the civil rights of all regardless of religion, gender, sexual identity, race, nationality, etc.?  Or maybe that there is an actual concentration camp or camps in Chechnya for gays?  That there is an ever-increasing spike in the level of violence against those who are different in the United States and abroad?

These are just some of the topics my mind seems to hone in on and at times I feel completely and totally overwhelmed and at a loss at what to do.  At times, this feeling of being overwhelmed makes you numb, or rather it can give you a sense of indifference.  This is dangerous.

Eliezer “Elie” Wiesel, a Romanian-born American Jewish writer, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate, and Holocaust survivor put it best.

“Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil.”

So, even when it simply feels like too much, you must write, talk, protest, fight; but, never quit and never allow yourself to stay indifferent.  Take a mini indifference vacation if you must, but come back and never quit.  Those who fight for those who can’t are all that stand between chaos and anarchy in the world.  Your singular voice and actions do make a difference.  One more poignant quote from Elie.

“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.”

If you are not familiar with Elie Wiesel I encourage you to learn more about him.  He was a remarkable human being.

Namaste,

Tom

This Week’s Word & Thought: Only Breath

Only Breath by Rumi

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu

Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen.  Not any religion

or cultural system. 

I am not from the East or the West,

not out of the ocean or up from the ground,

not natural or ethereal, not composed of elements at all.  

I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,

did not descend from Adam and Eve or any origin story. 

My place is placeless,

a trace of the traceless. 

Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two

Worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that breath breathing human being.

Rumi was a 13th century mystic poet and to read his words now, especially in the chaos the world is in now, shows the length and depth of the struggle to be human.  This was written over 750 years ago and I believe he was truly one of the most passionate and profound poets in history. 

He was born in what is now present-day Afghanistan in 1207 and died in 1273.  He produced his masterwork , Masnavi, or Masnavi-I Ma'navi, also written Mesnevi, Mathnawi, or Mathnavi, and it is an extensive poem written in Persian by him, whose full name was Jalal al-Din Muhammad Balkhi, celebrated Persian Sufi poet.  The translation to English consists of over 60,000 poems and the translation above is credited to Coleman Barks, although I did take some liberties with the rhythmic flow of the prose.  If you have time, please research him.  I would venture to say Rumi was a philosophical genius.

The statement of this poem is one of the most profound and simplistic views of being human I have ever read.  We all breath.  We all dream.  We aspire to be loved, accepted, and embraced at some point in our lives.  Hate and intolerance is not something you are born with.

Sadly, there are those who are taught hatred through ignorance or violence or by both.  There are those who lost their way and have become the instruments of this hatred and intolerance.  It is up to us to not lose sight of this faith in humanity and how very much we are all truly alike.  We, meaning ALL of us as humans, share 99.9% of the same DNA.

So, I say to you centuries after the wisdom of Rumi’s words, never give up the fight and keep it simple.  Just breathe and remember that the other 7.2 billion humans are also breathing.  It is only breath.

Namaste,

Tom