Thursday, February 1, 2018

This Week’s Word & Thought: Women of Color

Forgive my use of the title if it in any way offends you.  That is not my intent.  It was the language used in a movie I recently and finally had a chance to watch, “Hidden Figures”. 


If you have not seen it or read the book of the same name, you should.  The story is the historical events regarding NASA employees Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson.  In a nutshell, African-American women were directly responsible for helping to put the first American astronauts into space.

Again, like many other important incidents in human history, this very important aspect of the success of NASA is not included in most history recollections of this period.  Another example of this type of selective recollection of history is a photographic collection of WWII events that MSN published recently in the news section which had a photo showing a group of men in a concentration camp, all with triangles on their prison garb.  The caption was about Jewish men in a concentration camp.  I wrote to MSN to explain their mistake and how tired I was of history being swept under the rug so to speak.  Google the “triangle patch in concentration camps” if you do not understand the reference.

Based on an articles I read on www.essence.com, dated January 30, 2017, and www.shapeitrecruitment.co.uk, dated January 23, 2017, and some information from my ever favorite Wikipedia, here are some interesting facts regarding these exceptional women.  These facts give light to the intelligence and perseverance of their examples of the finest humanity has to offer.

Katherine Johnson, graduated from Virginia State High School at the age of 14.  By 18, she had earned a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and French, summa cum laude, from West Virginia State University.  She then taught from 1930 to 1951, both math and French, until she found out that NACA (National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics which later became NASA) was accepting applications from African-American women for “human computer” roles.  She applied and landed a job working as a human computer and surprised her supervisors with her brilliant mathematical skills as well as her very inquisitive mind. 

She was then transferred, after only two weeks, to Langley’s flight research division.  From there, Katherine managed to talk her way into attending briefing meetings which was unheard of for a woman at the time, let alone an African-American woman.  She went on to become the final authority for the flight calculations of Alan Shepard’s space flight and later for John Glenn’s successful orbit in 1961.

Katherine went on to work for NASA on the space shuttle program until her retirement in 1983.  Since then she has been awarded numerous awards and honors.  These include the 1967 NASA Lunar Orbiter Spacecraft and Operations team award and the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  The latter was awarded to her by President Obama on November 24, 2015.  In 2006, NASA unveiled the new $30M Katherine G. Johnson Computational Research Facility in Langley.

Dorothy Vaughan, born in Kansas City, Missouri in 1910, was an exceptionally gifted student who graduated in 1929 from Wilberforce University, at the age of 19, with a bachelor’s degree in mathematics.  Initially, she was a teacher and mother. 

Dorothy went to work for NACA in 1943 as a mathematician on a temporary basis.  Even with the anti-discrimination Executive Order 8802 issued by Franklin D. Roosevelt that made it illegal to discriminate against people in the defense industry (which NACA was considered part), she along with all African-American employees had to work in separate areas and in this case, the West Area Computing Unit.

She became the lead for the West Area Computing Unit and ran this for 10 years.  In 1958, Dorothy joined the new Analysis and Computation Division and became an expert in FORTRAN programming.  This move came shortly after NASA abolished segregation in the work environment.  She worked directly on the SCOUT (Solid Controlled Orbital Utility Test) Launch Vehicle Program.  This program became one of the most reliable and successful launch vehicles.  Before her retirement in 1971, she worked with both Katherine Johnson and Mary Jackson on John Glenn’s orbital flight.

Mary Jackson was born in 1921 and grew up in Hampton, Virginia.  She earned a bachelor’s degrees in mathematics and physical science from Hampton Institute in 1942.  After graduation, Mary worked a series of different jobs including teaching, receptionist, and bookkeeping. 

In 1951, Mary was recruited by the NACA.  She started as a research mathematician, or “human computer”, at the Langley Research Center in her hometown of Hampton, Virginia.  There she worked under Dorothy Vaughan.  She found the segregation and treatment as a lesser human being difficult to deal with and was ready to leave the organization.  She had a chance meeting with another supervisor who offered her a position in his own department.  Mary accepted and went on to be promoted to aeronautical engineer.

In 1978, Mary moved into human resources with NASA.  Up until her retirement in 1985 she worked to help other women and minorities progress in their careers.  She was a strong believer in education and its power to help you to standout and be promoted.

Why focus on this?  Very simple.  The most important influences in my early life were all women of color.  From the beautiful and sweet Latina woman who took care of me in Laredo, Texas to the two separate women who took care of me from the age of about 5 to 7 in Livingston, Texas.

The first caregiver, I was far to young to remember her name, but I know she crossed the border every day to come and care for us.  I believe I was younger than 5, but do not remember exactly.  I remember her kindness and how she always smelled of wonderful spices, laughed loudly, and rattled off in rapid fire Spanish.  Had no clue what she was saying, but she gave the best hugs, cooked the most delicious foods, and was fiercely protective of us kids.  One night, don’t recall any of the specifics, but someone tried to break into the house while my parents were out, and she was taking care of us.  She not only got hold of my parents and the police, but also hid us while holding I believe a fireplace poker.

Next was Jessie, a young African-American woman who probably wasn’t over 20 to 22 years of age.  She was so sweet and had an incredibly gentle spirit.  I remember her becoming really ill and going with my Mom, who was a nurse, to check on Jessie.  I was fairly poor, but didn’t know it; however, Jessie and her family lived in a one room shack basically that actually had newspaper on the inside walls for covering and some bit of insulation.  I remember being moved to tears by the time we left and wanting to know from my Mom why Jessie had to live that way and why couldn’t she live with us.

Last of these wonderful women was Nanny.  Yep, that was all I ever knew her by per her choice.  She was this larger than life and terribly stereotypical of the name, geography, and time period (mid-1960’s).  She was this wonderfully kind and loving large African-American woman who was probably in her 50’s.  Nanny was hired only to take care of us kids, but she went ahead and cleaned, did laundry, cooked, and above all, would never leave us with my father alone (he is another whole story for far more in-depth writing at some point).

Nanny gave the best damn hugs possible.  She also always repaired, usually stitching up, my Leo the Talking Lion every time I damaged it.  She was my friend, my protector, and was someone as a small child I loved very much.  Nanny was a light in a life that at times was very dark.

Then I think of the other major influences in my life.  Many have been women, and many have been someone who in someway has struggled with discrimination in some way.  Whether this be due to race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, political beliefs, disabilities, or any other damn reason some asshole can think of to hate you or try to keep you down.

The common thread is always their humanity.  Their belief in better.  Their refusal to give into the hate of those who would persecute them.  Their lack of hate as a response to their mistreatment.  Truly brave individuals.

If your response to injustice is silence, then you are part of the injustice.  Don’t be.

Namaste,

Tom

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

This Week’s Word & Thought: Loss

Early December 23rd of 2017, my Mom passed away.  She had lived a long time and was ninety when she died.  Her memory had slipped in the last few years and she needed round the clock care.  Although her death was not a surprise, it was no less painful. 

She was my Mom.

Lolamae Wilson DeSpain lived a long and interesting life with the interesting being both on the good side and the bad side.  She made good choices and bad choices and her decisions sometimes caused her and her children pain.

But, she was my Mom.

In many ways and for many years she was my best friend.  There was nothing I couldn’t tell her, and she listened mostly without judgement.  Sometimes, when she didn’t agree or thought my thinking was incorrect, she would tell me, not subtly either.

But okay, she was my Mom.

Lolamae was tough as a woman, compassionate as a human being, loyal as a friend, and funny as hell when she wanted to be.  Not always the best at being Mom and sometimes a bit focused on her own issues, albeit understandable.  However, the tough compassionate loyal and funny traits made me love her even more.

No matter, she was my Mom.

She taught me a lot about life, especially as an adult.  It was later in life when I was older and reached up and took her off the parental pedestal and looked at her as one adult to another, I saw the human side, with all the faults, flaws, cracks in the façade, and beautiful wonderful characteristics of a human being.  I was no longer angry at life as a child in our rather dysfunctional family.  Why?

Because she was my Mom, my dear friend, a beautifully flawed and awesome human being who I will miss.

I love you Mom.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart.” – Helen Keller

Take a moment, send a text or a card, make a call, send a letter, but tell those you love how much they mean to you.  Time stands still for no one and I know that I myself often take for granted that those I love “know” I love them.

Namaste,

Tom

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

This Week’s Word & Thought: Life

First, I apologize for my tardiness in releasing a new blog.  Between the holidays and work, it has been a bit hectic.

Second, let’s talk about Life.  What is life?  In this case, we are not getting into the whole technical and heavily debated scientific version of life.  I am speaking of YOU in this moment, in this here and now.  I am speaking about the very second you are reading this. 

Many people spend a great deal of time with regrets, mistakes, should have, could have, why didn’t I, etc., etc.  This is a pointless exercise in futility and takes up precious time at that moment.

Sivananda Saraswati (or Swami Sivananda) wrote, “Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future.”

The Swami was a very wise man.  You should read some about him from my ever-favorite Wikipedia.  Here is a little recap and a link to the information on him.  He was born September 8, 1887 and died July 14, 1963.  Swami Sivananda was a Hindu spiritual teacher and a proponent of Yoga and Vedanta.  He was born Kuppuswami in Pattamadai, in the Tirunelveli district of Tamil Nadu, India.  He studied medicine and served in British Malaya (now modern-day Malaysia) as a physician for several years before taking up monasticism.  Here is the link to the full information:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sivananda_Saraswati

The other is to get lost in dreaming of the future or striving for a rigid and all-consuming goal.  Many times, we become so focused on these dreams or goals, we forget to live life in the present.  We need to remember the greatest part of the dream or goal should be the journey.  Chandra Kochhar, born November 17, 1961, is the managing director and CEO of ICICI Bank.  She is widely recognized for her role in shaping banking in India. Her take on goals and the journey are very astute.

“Aim for the sky, but move slowly, enjoying every step along the way.  It is all those little steps that make the journey complete.”

Fascinating modern-day business executive.  Here is a Wikipedia link on her.  I believe you will find it both fascinating and interesting.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chanda_Kochhar

So, now we have banished obsessions with the past and the future.  Then what? 

How about right now.  My all-time favorite philosopher is Buddha.  His words, granted as translated into modern English, always seem to be simple and to the point.  They offer wisdom without judgement and focuses on personal thought and well-being and love for all living beings.  One of his most famous quotes is, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

I would say the greatest change in becoming an older human being (and yes, when you near 60 you are an older human being, like it or not and no matter how good your plastic surgeon is), or at least for me, was developing patience, forgiveness to others and yourself for mistakes, hurts and wrongdoings, and learning to cherish this very moment.   

My focus on living and loving in the moment is because the flip side of that wisdom as someone older is that you find time is no longer this intangible thing you rail against as a young person that is preventing you from reaching your goal.  As a child wanting to be a teenager.  As a teenager wanting to be an adult.  As an adult wanting to be respected and working towards career goals and finding that perfect relationship.  All in such a hurry you do not take the time to simply marvel at the journey of life.

I promise you, slowing down and contemplating the here and now, is a far more relaxing and freeing way to live.  Be the best you possible, but in the here and now.  Don’t dwell on the past and don’t let the future be all consuming.  Another very wise quote from cancer survivor, Kathy Giusti, is very relevant to this topic.  Please take the time to learn a bit about her.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathy_Giusti

“If I’ve learned anything, it’s to live in the moment, and the gift that cancer gives you is, you just assume I’m only here today, and I am going to seize that moment and cherish it.”

Live life!

Namaste,
Tom


Wednesday, October 25, 2017

This Week’s Word & Thought: Emotional Intelligence

I have spent the last couple of weeks reading various philosophers, artists, pundits, politicians, etc., to come up with words that would be useful given all that is going on around us.  First, I needed to recognize my own feelings of being helpless and inadequate.  Having the overwhelming urge to do something.  Anything.  Even if the action I wanted to do wasn’t positive or in line with my beliefs.  I know, wanting to smack the crap out some idiot espousing hate and bigotry would let you feel good for about 60 seconds.  But then, you are left with the horrible sensation of becoming one of them. 

I refuse.

In seeking answers for how to describe this “thing” and what to call it, I came across Emotional Intelligence.  This is a relatively recent concept as far as clearly defined.  However, you can find actionable references with classic philosophers such as Aristotle:

Anybody can become ANGRY
That is easy
But to be angry with
The RIGHT person
And to the right degree
And at the right time
And for the right purpose
And in the right way
That is not within
Everybody’s power
And is NOT EASY

So, then I started researching on the topic of Emotional Intelligence.  I found through intelligenthq.com the Five Components of Emotional Intelligence at Work. 

Self-Awareness:  ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives as well as their effect on others

Self-Regulation:  the ability to control and redirect disruptive impulses and moods

Motivation:  a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status

Empathy:  the ability to understand the emotional make up of other people

Social Skill:  proficiency in managing relationships and building networks

The best part of accidentally falling into this and reading about Emotional Intelligence was how this translates into relationships with family, friends, work, and in how you deal with the trials and tribulations of life.  Understanding your level of emotional intelligence and working to mature and improve these specific skills could alter the very enjoyment of life.

I guess the cliché “Moral of the Story” is that it is ok to have an emotional response to those events happening around us.  Even if that reaction is one of fear and anger.  But be sure it is measured, directed correctly, manifested in a positive and change inducing way, and let go of it when the work is done.

Love with the same maturity.  Be sad, or anxious, or reflective, etc.  But begin to try and analyze your emotions with a more intelligent perspective.  It will help you know YOU better.  The more can understand, accept, and love yourself, the more Emotional Intelligence you will possess.  This alone will allow great change around you.

I wish for you patience, insight, and calm in your journey of self-recognition and growth.

Namaste,


Tom

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

This Week’s Word & Thought: Time

Roy “Tutsi” James Hamilton died this last weekend at the age of 57, my age.  He was born December 6, 1959 in Stilwell, Oklahoma.  I knew Roy in school from around the age of ten.  We moved in different circles during school, but I have never forgotten him.  He was what I call an “everyday hero” because of his stoic gentleness and peace.

 

 Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, text
 The following is my definition of an everyday hero taken from a blog post I wrote in February, 2014.  Here is a link if you wish to read “Heroes”.


The last group and the most unsung and quiet are what I refer to as the “everyday hero”.  This group of heroes I believe has the most lasting impact on others.  The doctor I spoke of in the opening of this blog post is an example of an everyday hero.  The absolute best example of this type of heroism was defined for me years earlier when I watch the movie based on the book by Amy Tan, The Joy Luck Club.  In the story there is an exchange between the main character June and her mother Suyuan.  She was explaining to her daughter why she was indeed special over her very successful, beautiful and demanding sister.  Suyuan stated (paraphrasing) that while June’s older sister always expected and took the choicest cut of meat at dinner, June always took the least cut of meat. 

I look for the everyday hero.  When you spot them, they are not flamboyant or looking for praise.  They are generally humble or direct in their mission.  Accolades are not what they seek and in fact are generally embarrassed by them.  I would like to think I would have the courage to be an incidental hero, but who knows unless it happened.  Not sure I’m in a place or have the skills to be a situational hero.  So, I strive daily to try to be an everyday hero.  It isn't easy and I am sure I fail more often than succeed.  I am so humbled by the sacrifice of others in all three types of heroes.  Find your heroes.  They may be as close as right next to you.

Over the years, I have often thought of Roy and wondered what he was doing.  In the last year I was able to reconnect with him through Facebook.  We had a few conversations back and forth and I had gotten the impression he was ill, but he never let me know the seriousness of his condition.  Again, very much like Roy.

It was my intent per our last conversation to try and connect with him for possibly dinner the next time I came back to visit with my Mom, who is a resident at the Stilwell Nursing Home.  I was there two weeks ago and it was a bit of an in and out trip.  I was going to try and see if Roy and I could have dinner, but couldn’t find the time and little did I know Roy was very ill at that time.

I am grateful that I had the chance during the last year to at the very least let him know what an example he was to me when we were young.  That I always thought of him as one of the most genuine and kindhearted people I had ever met.  This is not something I take lightly.  I hold him in regards the same as Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Socrates, Maya Angelou, and Nelson Mandela, to name a few. 

At this point in my life, I study a great deal the eastern philosophy of Buddha.  Not the religion that it has turned into, but rather the teachings of the man.  Roy reminded me most of Buddha’s teachings.  Selfless, generous, genuine, empathetic, and true. 

“We will develop and cultivate the liberation of mind by living kindness, make it our vehicle, make it our basis, stabilize it, exercise ourselves in it, and fully perfect it.”  - Buddha  

I write this blog for two reasons:  1) to honor someone who unknowingly and unwittingly had a very large impact on my life just by being a beautiful spirit, and, 2) to mourn the loss and passage of time without my having reconnected fully with Roy.  I regret this deeply.

To Roy I say, “Thank you for being an example for me to follow. May your spirit be free and full of joy.” 

To you I say, “Time is the only thing you can never get back, you can never purchase, you can never pause.  Do not waste time, especially when it comes to letting someone know that they are important to you.  Engage them now.  Love them now, for tomorrow my never come.”

Namaste,

Tom

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

This Week’s Word & Thought: Purpose

I have gone through an enormous amount of word play trying to come up with the right one to convey the thoughts I want to share with you.  It is amazingly difficult to find just the right one.  I believe I did so with the word Purpose.

Let’s focus on the definition of purpose as a noun in this post.

pur·pose (noun):  the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
synonyms:  motive, motivation, grounds, cause, occasion, reason, point, basis, justification

With that in mind, I did some research on famous uses of the word purpose (or a synonum) as a noun.  Here are some of the quotes more on point to my thoughts.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” –  Dalai Lama

“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else's cloud. Somebody who may not look like you. May not call God the same name you call God - if they call God at all. I may not dance your dances or speak your language. But be a blessing to somebody. That's what I think.” – Maya Angelou

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.” – John F. Kennedy

“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” – Pablo Picasso

I have often puzzled my purpose.  My reason for being.  I don’t believe in fate or predestination.  I believe in a whole lot of factors; events, genetics, history, etc., that shape who we become.  I also believe our purpose changes over time for many of us due to where we are at in life.  A balance of what we have learned and our years.  At this point in my life, my purpose is focusing on enjoying the beauty that is humanity.  In studying and researching art, music, written word, history and the heroes of the past, and most importantly, heroes of today.  Not necessarily famous, but someone who connects you with humanity.

I must work to look past events of recent and realize that is not the majority, but really just focus placed on the sensational.  In a time where we keep hearing about the rise of extremists who believe in genocide and segregation based on either religion, race, sexuality, or gender identity, I say again, not the majority of people.

I believe in the innate goodness of humanity.  That humankind has an amazing ability to learn, grow, help, and love.  But, to counter that which is negative, our purpose must be, in our own and unique individual way, to grow this believe in humankind.  To focus on compassion, empathy, generosity of not just material items, but generosity of the spirit.

“The thing to do, it seems to me, is to prepare yourself so you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud.”

Namaste,


Tom

Thursday, August 17, 2017

This Week’s Word & Thought: Freedom

I was torn between “freedom” and “violence” due to all that is going on around us.  The conflict of freedom through peace versus the need to react to the violence being perpetrated on those who could not stop it.  The death of a young woman peacefully protesting or the mob beating of a young man by a group of cowardly thugs.  Take your pick, both have me seething.  I struggle with my reactions to this incomprehensible behavior.  I simply. Do. Not. Understand.

However, I cannot give up on my beliefs that to create a better world for those I love and our obligation to do so for future generations requires that be done through peace and love.  Violence and hate simply do not work.  Never have and NEVER will.

I have been reading a lot from those who inspire me most for their courage of peaceful resistance and commitment to peace.  It includes Dr. King, Aung San Suu Kyi, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Einstein, and Socrates just to name a few.  The truly remembered great humans in history are those who focused on peace.  Who understood to truly have freedom you must achieve it through peaceful methods.

To have freedom also means to peacefully fight to end poverty, to stop inequality at all levels and to stifle hatred and bigotry.  Believing in a perfect utopian world is simply not realistic.  Sadly, and inexplicably, there will always be those who hate.  My Mom, when I first came out to her, told me she was afraid for me, but told me, “Well I guess there are people who hate you because you have blond hair.  Some people just want to hate.”  Yes, and sadly, some people do simply want to hate.  I don’t get it, but that is just the way it is.

We, however, must fight this “normalization of hate” with every peaceful breath we have.  Stuff it back down where those who wallow in it realize that good and decent human beings do not stand for this bullshit!

But, NEVER with violence.  Please.

If you participate in counter rallies to all the hate filled events planned around our nation this weekend or in the near future, do so with love and peace.  I leave you with a quote to ponder.

“What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet. No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled or uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of the people.” – Robert Kennedy

Namaste,

Tom